Musings

Entering Mordor…

Ah! So many things have happened since I last wrote. It’s best to receive me through my instagram but truthfully, even there you wouldn’t get a clear view of who I actually am. True Magick is 90% hidden and so most of my Sacred Quest is really only felt and experienced by being a part of my life.

I reflect that truth to you for your own Fae Soul Journey; allow yourself the permission to BE the Magick & Medicine that can truly only happen when we drop into the present moment of our life experiences. This allows us the ability to embody more authentic streams of magic and enjoy our Heart Open life more!

So… Mordor…

You know, I wouldn’t have likened my visit to Salt Spring Island to entering Mordor at all in the past but after reflecting with The Hobbit the other night and everything that was presently unfolding THIS was exactly the Storyline I had been re-enacting…. I never likened myself to Frodo, my obsession and mythological integration had my Core Truths more like Gollum in Essence; I WANTED THAT RING!!!!! and I didn’t feel like a noble Self Sacrificing individual that was going to bear that burden for humanity… I felt more like a drunken Sailor filling “his” cup with self serving Dreams and romantic fantasies…

I had wanted that Romantic Happily Ever After badly! but not in some true corruption of power, I wanted the Sacred Divine Union everyone was always telling us existed; you know, “The One” I had been questing for that ONE “ring” my entire life experience and even when I was in denial of that; acting calm and collected and more in a Yang embodiment focused on my Mission over Love, it became painfully obvious that this was the CORE WOUND that truly had me.

So, imagine my surprise when I Self Actualized this fully and in a playful fun way (careful not to project or attach) I asked Joel (the hobbit) to “pick a hand” of which one was empty; representing Samwise and the other containing my Tree Ring; representing Frodo….since I already knew I was more likened to a Healed Smeagol meeting an Inner Arwen (having already chosen the Hobbit Creature over Aragon in my path unfolding) ….

….I had an intuitive feeling of which hand he would pick and I was not mistaken: He chose my Right Hand…

…which contained the representation of “The One Ring” in symbolism…. we laughed and I exclaimed, “Ha! Well now all that’s left is for us to cast this ring deep into the fiery chasm from whence it came!!” he chuckled and responded without pause telling me he knew just the place and we could make Elven Waybread and cast the ring out into the Ocean…. I was immediately perturbed about the thought of actually tossing my Tree Ring anywhere, but extremely in awe that he was living up to his Hobbit Embodiment and even knew how to make Lambas… I wondered where we would find leaves to wrap the waybread in.

I paused and reflected and told him I didn’t think I could do that. He challenged me on my attachment to it and I was immediately reminded of my Inner Gollum nature in the material realm. So I told him I’d open my heart to the idea of it and immediately wrote “Explore getting rid of your ring” in my journal, as I often took notes on his reflected insights during our chats.

The more I got to actually know Joel, the more I liked him, but to say that I wasn’t scared of going to live with two Hobbit strangers was an understatement. I was often concerned with how I might be received should my madness strike me. However, with the symbolism of the Ring perhaps this was my own way of releasing my past in its entirety and being open to a NEW STORY…

…It felt like every time I thought I had turned the page I was right back at the beginning of a past chapter, just arriving at deeper self actualizations. This was finally beginning to even out; with most of the past not needing to be revisited. My Soul Sisters had helped me “carry the ring” thus far and now it was time for me to complete the journey with the Brotherhood side of the equation…. I could only conclude that perhaps this would finally have my Heart Open in a TRUE vibration of Fellowship…

…this was what my Divine Femininity truly wanted anyway; not some illusionary “One Person” but the Sacred Divine Union of Nature itself. This, to me, was simply a boundary of not wishing to entertain or reflect with romantic connections that couldn’t meet me in the Open Heart, that couldn’t meet me in a true desire to DIVE DEEPER into a connection with me, I was done with surface relationships re-enacting wounds in co-dependency or even the idea of “Forever” which for me still felt like a form or concept of possession.

I was better at standing in my sovereignty now and knew what I wanted. For the most part, it was just open hearted honesty and someone that could actually understand me in who I truly was. Trying to explain to men that wanted to date me that I wasn’t attracted to Humans and needed them to embody mythological creatures wasn’t exactly the easiest topic to bring up…. telling them you’re a Fae Soul incarnate here to help other Fae Souls reflect and get more conscious Dream Weaving to heal the broken Faery Accord by grounding magick into the Earth was even more difficult.

Overall I didn’t meet many Divine Masculine that could truly meet me where I was at and I had just accepted that that was ok. I felt pretty whole and in union with my own Self, but sexually, it was difficult; since I would like to have physical intimacy again at some point and for the most part, I couldn’t entertain any sexual partners because I was AWARE OF THE CORE MYTHOLOGY PLAYING OUT…. which for the most part was gross to me.

This is why I began hacking and reweaving through all these different storylines; so I would be my own authentic story and hopefully collide with someone/other individuals that were doing the same. For now, I guess I’ll just keep diving into the TRUTH that Union comes from within first. The Romantic wounding attached to the Faerie Truths I was uncovering within and without wasn’t easy and even potential “Divine Unions” like Aragon and Arwen felt disgusting to me at my current level of Self Awareness…. I wanted it to be something I created myself and the path always lead to something already created…

….anyway, I was excited to have the Fellowship opening up in Salt Spring and for the first time in my entire life experience I wasn’t afraid to be a Woman. I was finally being held by my Masculinity instead of fighting him and my Inner Leading Lady wasn’t interested in the Crown… I knew I was Crone and the truth about remembering the Inner Crone is KNOWING that that is the Purer Essence of the Maiden…. but I had only reached that inner knowing through embracing my Inner Raven Mother as the Sacred Goddess she truly is…

…. I was excited to be a Teenage Dream and I knew that even Hollywood’s Katy Perry Spellweaves had nothing on me: It was time for me to embrace my Heart Truths and enter into my new life…

Until next time,

Alison.

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