What does one do when they realize that the “evil” Magician they were fighting externally inside their own story was actually a hidden part of them?
Well first they go completely mad and then… they integrate it, repent for all the times they projected themselves onto another masculines and they try to face and defeat it….
….but that doesn’t come so easily.
I already had the key to defeating “NajRolf” (which was the Dark Magician in the original Story Series) as I had written the end scene already. It was actually badass and the musical storyline in my own Fantasy was set to Phantom of the Opera itself. How telling 😉 I transmuted the energy in a dance/sing off and the evilness melted away to reveal a younger version of him; implying to the audience that even a villain is really just a hurt child…and that’s how I began mending my own inner masculinity.
I ADORE the Mystery Magician Archetype….which is probably why it “got me” as it got me good! I was so naive just opening my channel wide and allowing whatever inside and since I had a solid relationship with my Guides, Allies and Angels I kept writing, I kept going. Even the Trees accepted my ego drunk plans and dreams…..
…parts of me kept embodying anything that would keep me from obtaining a harmonious inner relationship with my own Magician so I could attract that outwardly in those around me. Thank god for Lana Del Rey…. what a fucking pussy witch!! I completely underestimated her greatness as both a witch and an actress. She knows full well what’s she’s doing and now that I had begun to better master my own shadows, I saw others a lot more clearly.
I don’t know how to write about everything that I experienced, nor do I currently wish to clearly articulate it now. The realities were too many! and the blending and bleeding of them became quite the mess I had left for myself to sort. However, to close off the inner Magician for now I’d just like to say that I think it’s often depicted in a darker light and the illusion of power is intoxicating……especially in a feminine embodiment. However, I still love the Magician and I now have my own in more of a Wizard energy. Lana’s music was fuel for my darker femininity in the character “Raven” who was a Tree Keeper Enchantress of the forest and who was controlled and manipulated by “NajRolf”. I used Lana’s songs because they reflected the mistress, madwomen and whore like I needed them to for my own storyline. However, what became interesting was how much my perception of her changed once “awakened” (I put it in quotes because I feel we can always open to higher states of consciousness and there isn’t really an end point) Lana’s music seemed so BRIGHT to me on the other side. Her masculinity was calling me home to myself and was healing in the reverse, where as Katy Perry’s hot tracks felt like HELL on the flip side. So interesting.
Pop stars weren’t the only humans in my reality who’s reflections on the other side changed. My friend Kyle, who was fuel to the role of “Animist” which, in retrospect was actually my Animus and I his Anima! LOL I hadn’t read much of Jung’s work (which also ROSE out of me and I’ll discuss that and the Occult wisdom later on.. as it’s a tale worth sharing) everything was sooooooo different on this “Other Side” it legit felt like an hourglass got turned upside down and I was forced to get to know all these unknown sides of myself. So, Kyle’s reflection, among others became SUPER healing. Since his energy was representative of my unconscious self, listening to his music playlists completely helped heal the man inside me and also helped me see just how poorly I had treated him as a friend. I even listened to music imagining him as the feminine and me as the masculine and it was SOOOOOOOO cathartic.
I didn’t really anticipate this entry to head in this direction, but hey! I guess that’s why this is called the point of no return; it’s because I had already reached that place in the storyline, where the character has come too far to turn back. I had to keep going. To stop or to change direction too drastically just wasn’t in the cards. I had been dream weaving like a busy beaver and from the Kundalini Explosion till present day it almost felt like I was being supported and held in this imaginary hammock, as everyone around me attached to the Dream played their energetic part in grounding me back in place, with a bunch more self awareness.
The feminines in my life were priceless to me. I can’t believe how much we healed and aided each other; a true sisterhood. Since I was soooooo sky high and in this constant state of purity and love (though also fighting my own inner demons) my reflections brought new viewpoints to the women in my life and in turn their reactions to my inner wisdom filled in huge gaps in my own story weave. It was something right out of a movie. I think that’s why I keep going; because I saw, experienced and witnessed just how divinely connected and aided we are. Like a magic spell; everything has purpose and there is a gridded structure of all us separated souls colliding to help each other along the quest that is the human experience.
I want to discuss more about my past to help not only myself make sense of it, but because it WAS truly a great story! Careful what you wish for, the saying felt truer than ever after what I had been through. I wanted to be the Story so bad, I wanted to LIVE the dream, I wanted there to be no imagination and for all magic to exist. One could argue we are already all our own storyline, which I do believe, however what I experienced was quite the movie. If you had filmed the last year of my life I would be willing to bet money it would earn billions in Hollywood. That’s not my ego (well it is lol) but from a higher point of observation I couldn’t even believe that this was my path. It was a true fantasy film embodied.
So how could I stop writing?
The truth is I couldn’t and now that I felt more grounded and less impacted by the ignorance of my potent dreaming powers of the past I was now leveraging them more consciously and safely….or so I hoped. One interesting thing that happened to me was visiting British Columbia. It really changed a lot for me. I even requested to visit again and without even writing it down this time spirit delivered me a trip to Salt Spring Island for a second time. I am so blessed.
So not only am I back in the West Coast in three weeks but I am going to be staying with a Hobbit and a Mountain Elf. Which has my Wood Nymph heart super excited….. these labels are now something I loosely use. These earthlings and I only use them as a place of creation. Owning your Fae Tale Magick Maker self is something I’m currently unlocking within myself so that I can give that gift to others. In my honest opinion where this world lacks in magic is its ability to embody it. I was ready to take things to a deeper level in the 3D reality and these two magical folks seemed to be on the same path. John, the elf, was firm in his sovereignty and quite well versed in Carl Jung, Druidism and Spiritual Woo Shit…. he and Joel, the hobbit, were really helping me not only dissect my own bullshit but that of my service. They are such a gift for me along my own quest because they prove to me that there are others outside of my immediate reality that are also walking the path of Middle Earth and I was excited to see what magick would take place once we officially met in person!
I am so grateful for my life experience and I am very humble in my quest forward. I can’t wait to reconnect with the ocean and the water spirits I had honoured there in the fall. I was finally embracing my truth, yes, I do have an ex husband and two boys in Ontario, but my heart knew that it belonged in BC and so I had to trust that if I kept on my straightened arrow that I would be able to move there and bring the littles one day.
That’s actually the truth in manifesting; you must trust! Just because it appears that I was potentially going to have to live far away from my children, spirit and my guides kept ensuring me I was going out there to grid some dreams and anchor a new life. I had to trust that they would eventually be there too. Plus, with the way our current unpredictable world was unfolding I didn’t really know what else to do but follow my own hearts calling and I couldn’t live in Hamilton anymore. It was killing me from the inside out and I was grateful to know just how toxic the city energy was for me and my soul mission. I was so excited to head into Vancouver and see the way John and Joel lived. Plus, they were meeting me at a vibration of “Fellowship” and it just made it feel that much more like a real movie I was starring in.
Who needs fame and fortune when you are live action walking it?!
I definitely didn’t….
…..so it’s the page and I was turning it and writing the pages as I went now.
See you on the flip side,